This Weekend’s 2 or 3; The Beckham Challenge

What follows are some thoughts on the fine, fine reasons to take in some of this weekend’s Major League Soccer (MLS) match-ups. Without wanting to turn these into previews (though I’ll link to the official site’s items when available), I’m still puzzling over what to say in these things…it’s possible, I’m only writing this to mention this:

The introduction of the David Beckham drinking game (credit: Dan Loney) makes the Los Angeles Galaxy’s visit to Red Bull New York recommended viewing for this weekend. Word that Beckham’s Field-Turf Aversion could keep him out of the game also suggests an expansion of the rules: when Beckham is on the field, the regular rules apply (e.g. “Every time an announcer says “David Beckham” during a Galaxy game, sip from a thimbleful of Bud Light.”); when he’s off the field, however, one must down a full, measured shot of light beer for every mention of LA’s famous Brit.

The potential deployment of the Beckham-cam calls for another, more punishing set of rules. Then again, that device could be a property of ESPN, which means this weekend’s game, broadcast on Fox Soccer Channel, obviates the need for one. If (and when) the Beckham-cam does happen to show this, or on any other weekend, the obvious rule would require that all players drink for the duration that Beckham appears in the little window. While that keeps with the over-arching goal (of this site; Loney bears no responsibility here) of compelling the Powers That Be to ratchet back on Beckham-mania, odds of fatalities are too great – especially during an ESPN broadcast. An attempt could be made, but, no, it’s too risky…

Whatever happens, filming someone attempting to play this game and posting it on Youtube as in instance of guerrilla activism could conceivably alarm MLS’s marketing men, but, sadly, I’m too tech-tarded to pull that off. I will, however, undertake the experiment low-tech style and keep a tally of the abuse. Assuming I can still type, I’ll record the results immediately after the game (some time Saturday around 6:30 p.m. PST). Oh, and in an attempt to stay alive, all rules will only be in effect during the game itself; including pre- and post-game amounts to a suicide attempt.

So, Fox Soccer Channel – specifically Max Bretos, Christopher Sullivan, and the pre-broadcast guy – my health is in your hands.

In all seriousness (though I do intend to both play the game and keep a tally), the game itself seems big enough. If nothing else, my persistent habit of rating Red Bull lower than most suggests further study – as does the search for signs of a potential, albeit late, playoff push by LA. Seeing what New York’s offense can do against a defense better than Toronto’s seems worth the effort as well. Besides, this one’s on TV, which will spare me from fighting DSL and MLSnet.com’s sub-stellar video service.

Speaking of which, the increased quality of online viewing means I’ll try to catch the Columbus Crew v. DC United (preview) later that same night – e.g. when online traffic has died down a little. Both teams come into this fresh off losses and, with just four points separating them in the standings and the season’s end getting closer every day, not only should the intensity be there, but both teams have players to make something grow from it. The offense-defense pairings (e.g. the Crew’s “O” vs. DC’s “D”; DC’s “O” vs. the Crew’s “D”) could also tell viewers a thing or two useful about the playoff home-stretch.

Tragically, the game of the week, the Houston Dynamo v. FC Dallas (preview) doesn’t air on any channel I have and MLSlive.tv didn’t pick it up either. So, if I’m getting to a third game this weekend, I think I’ll settle for a fascinating contest that pits a dead team (Real Salt Lake) against one conceivably rallying under a new course of drugs (the team is the Chicago Fire and the drugs are Wanchope, Blanco and Conde). The chief point of interest here comes with gauging RSL’s capacity to transform into some kind of super-zombie/spoiler; the question of which teams’ seasons they can ruin (and whose brains eat) follows close behind. As for Chicago, I mainly want to see if they have re-learned the game under Osorio.

Other games this weekend include Toronto FC v. Chivas USA (preview) and the Kansas City Wizards v. New England Revolution (preview not up yet). Whatever happens, I’ll write up what I see and post it by Monday at the latest.