Wheels Fly Off in LA: Back Wrap of the Carnage to Come

The Galaxy is a popular topic today – and for all the wrong reasons. Fans, like The LA Galaxy Offside’s Laurie, are depressed – and with ample reason. But one of the big themes today revolves around what hotter-headed people might call the abuse of MLS’s Golden(balls) Goose, David Beckham. Pundits like FC Rocky’s George Tanner throw around phrases like “coaching incompetence” – a charge that sticks tolerably supported when Dan Loney points to the spectacle Pete Vagenas taking in Beckham ill-advised inquiry into the limits of human endurance from the bench. USSoccerplayer.com’s Ian Plenderleith picks through some of the same wreckage, but it’s Andrea Canales who puts Beckham-abuse at the center of her ESPN article (and with a tougher headline earlier in the day; I swear it read stronger earlier). She even gets all Big-Picture on readers, and not without cause:

“Ultimately, such a grave miscalculation could make MLS seem like more of a joke than the play on the field ever has.”

[SNIP]

“Ultimately, it doesn’t seem that Beckham’s heart is in question. Instead, the brains of the league and the Galaxy administration — for not protecting their players by failing to protest such a top-heavy late-season travel schedule — are the ones who appear suspect.”

With The Product sucking so badly in front of God and everybody, talk of heads rolling shouldn’t surprise anyone. As to the timing, well…that’s something else.

MLS Rumors posted talk Frank Yallop resigning as soon as next week. Judging by the wording, this is more of a push than a jump, but Yallop seems like he’s leaning into it (or away from it…complicated metaphor; I’m just saying MLS Rumors thinks Yallop won’t mind so much if/when this happens). Posted earlier the same day is word of Jurgen Klinsmann being courted for the job….my god, I love that site…

Then again, Steve Goff’s Soccer Insider suggests Alexi Lalas’ butt is burning too. Maybe one will go, maybe the other. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a managerial bloodbath, the likes of which Major League Soccer (MLS) has never seen. Then again, the stakes have never been so high, have they?

Turning to the immediate object of the multi-faceted panic, I know I’m not the first person to say it, but one thing absolutely needs doing: if Beckham won’t sit out games, someone – Posh, all the goddam Spice Girls, if that’s what it takes – needs to lock Beckham in a room during game time to keep him off the field; have Tom Cruise secure the perimeter with a crack unit from Sea Org, send out Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan to block the route to the Home Depot Center with a paparazzi-parade. Just do something; the man is showing signs of delusion. It’s possible Beckham sees himself as needing to prove something to the global public – about how seriously he’s taking this league, etc. Salvaging the Galaxy’s season probably seems like the straightest line to take, but, noble as the effort may be, it’s also 95% doomed.

So, barring divine intervention or a highly-leveraged Faustian bargain (hell, maybe that’s what’s going on with Alexi Lalas; do we know how he got his present gig?), LA’s season is lost; they’re going to limp into Wednesday’s Superliga final at this point, so relief there doesn’t look too likely either.

So maybe it’s time to cut their losses. Between the schedule and having Beckham for only half the year and at half fitness, the Galaxy has excuses at hand. It’s time to use them.

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4 Responses

  1. Best quote of the post: So, barring divine intervention or a highly-leveraged Faustian bargain (hell, maybe that’s what’s going on with Alexi Lalas; do we know how he got his present gig?), LA’s season is lost;

  2. Laurie and I obviously have the same literary taste, nice new selling one’s soul twist! Re Posh sitting Becks, nice image, but why not just the coach. Contrary to current conventional wisdom, like most jocks Beckham might glare and swear, but he’s been following their orders for 20 years. I would have sworn stubborn and delusional comes with the fiercely competitive package which =’s they’ll ALWAYS say I’m fine, put me in coach).

  3. Good point, Diane. If you’ve ever listened to athletes being interviewed, there’s a lot of “Well, coach said…”

  4. […] pundits are really laying into the Galaxy Front Office, as well as AEG. Andrea Canales took an opening shot last week, but today (or late last week) Ives Galarcep adds to her charges of Beckham abuse; Steve […]

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