New England: On Getting the First Laugh

In the wake of a soul-crushing fourth failure in MLS Cup, I have only one more comment to pass on and it goes to New England fans across the country (you see, there’s me here in Portland and all those dudes in New England. See? Cross country). Once done here, I’m going to start cranking out 2007 season reviews for all the teams (an act of extreme self-loathing that will come at the expense of the Daily Sweeper, once again). But, to return to the situation at hand…

This whole thing, this collapsing into a bloodied, depressed heap at the last hurdle, is one of those laugh or cry scenarios – as in, this sucks, you can either laugh about it or cry about it. In my experience, the most effective way to survive ridicule is to beat the peanut gallery to the punch. Celebrate your permanent bridesmaid status. How? Maybe get the Midnight Riders to pick up the tradition of unfurling a giant banners over their section, but emblazon the thing with a blown-up picture of Cathy swapped into a New England Revolution shirt. She’s directly below, needing only competent photo-shopping to make it happen.

I’m just saying…it’s an idea…probably not a good one.

The point is, there’s something funny about this whole thing, how New England beats the rest of Major League Soccer (MLS) to the final and then goes and loses it, again and again and again and again (did I get ’em all?). I mean, why bother reaching the final at all? Why not let in some team who can actually clear the last hurdle? It’s like someone who doesn’t know how to drive a car insisting on sitting in the driver’s seat. It’s spoiling in its most extreme and reckless form, akin to burning down the dream house you lost in a bidding war to a nicer, cleaner couple.

Anyway, here’s where I am: if someone told me that the New England Revolution will one day win MLS Cup, I wouldn’t believe them. Like other good things – think flying cars, jet packs, or light speed – it’s just not going to happen. Perhaps it’s not meant to happen.

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6 Responses

  1. Whoops. A better idea just came to me: New England should adopt Buzz Aldrin as the club’s unofficial mascot.

  2. 1. Cathy eventually got married.
    2. My Denver Broncos lost four Super Bowls before going on to win two in a row. Now everybody remembers the two and forgets the four.

    Not that this will cheer you up. I’m just sayin’.

  3. Hmmm…so it seems Buzz Aldrin would be a better candidate. I didn’t know Cathy got hitched.

    And, oh, I remember the Broncos’ years in Hell. One of my best friends in high school was a massive Broncos fan. Since I stopped watching football, that’s all I remember about them.

  4. Could be worse. Could be 4 in 4 years. Nobody’s done that.

    Oh wait, I almost forgot I’m a Buffalo Bill fan. (That was some kind of whupping that 10-0 New England team put on them last night… 56-10.)

    I vote to name the unofficial team mascot Jim Kelly. He probably would go for it though – New England is in the same division as the Bills are.

  5. I was thinking about doing “Drive for Five” t-shirts with five eastern conference championship glass sculptures on them.

  6. […] Center Hold It  New England: On Getting The First Laugh […]

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