Now back in my Ph.d program, I realized that nothing is more fun for me and my friends than to sit around and watch some sort of sporting event and indeed invent a drinking game that goes along with it. After a long week of ‘doing’ homework, it’s a good way to start my weekends out on a high note.
We always had The Baseball Drinking Game, The Basketball Drinking Game, The Animal Planet Drinking Game, whatever. But now, feast your eyes no further than the official
‘The Extraordinary Ray Hudson La Liga Drinking Game, Version 1.0’
This works best when watching GolTV feeds of the games, but I will also throw in opportunity to imbibe if you are living in the Spanish mainland, don’t you worry.
For those of you who don’t know Ray Hudson, he basically a God among mere mortals. He is the commentator for GolTV along with a former Newcastle United player. Ray is known for saying ‘jaw-dropping’ quotes at lightning speed with his fiery brand of
Scottish English Geordie English (thank you to Gittle).
Here is just a sample of what he’s like. Even though I’m sure most of you have seen this already
Andres Montes is the commentator for La Sexta in Spain, which always plays the 10pm Saturday Night Fixture and also Champions League and National games. He used to commentate on the NBA but recently has switched to the beautiful game. He is famous in Spain for saying ‘Porque la vida puede ser marvavillosa’ and always talking about ‘Tiki-Taka’ Even if you don’t understand Spanish, it is worth watching the following clip of the La Sexta crew doing the Italy-Germany Extra Time from the 2006 World Cup. It’s amazing.
Okay, onto the Drinking!
First– CHI does not condone drinking, we condone LOTS of drinking. Especially for Linguistics Ph.d students.
Second-Drinks will be consumed in ‘counts’. If it says Drink 1, then you drink for one count. Drink 2, drink two counts and so on.
Third-If you can’t get a GolTV feed, just download TVUPlayer for god sakes and quit complaining. (Drink 1)
Fourth-Things that happen in game only refer to the game you are watching at that moment. However, if you receive any wind about said happenings with YOUR team, you must preform said action because you ALWAYS represent your team. Also, sometimes things can happen in other games ‘Such as Levante scoring a goal, on the rare occasion that occurs’ So that must be noted.
Fifth-I cannot thrown in things from all teams in La Liga, but it should be noted that you can change the game up for your own team’s purpose (i.e. You just realized Guti now has ‘Guti HAS’ on the back of his shirt (Drink 3), Sergio Agüero scores AGAIN (Drink 2) Your token always injured player starts this game (Drink 1) and gets injured again (Drink 4)
Sixth-Half-Time is a break for everyone. NO DRINKING!!
‘The Ronaldinho’-Any participant seen putting their glass up to their lips in a blatent attempt to look like they are drinking said beer ‘A DIVE’ will be forced to drink double on account of the Brazilian’s flare for the wussy.
Juan Roman Riquelme (or the Riquelme)- It should be noted that at any point you cannot continue, you will be designated the ‘Juan Roman Riquelme‘ of the group and will be forced to sit on the bench for the rest of the night while wondering ‘What the hell did I do to deserve this?’ You may be allowed back in sporadically for 1 minute of a game at any said moment, unless it’s designated an ‘international half hour’ in which you will light it up for said half hour and then go back on the bench.
The Ray Hudson Bersker-Ray is off the deep end!! He is flipping out, there is no stopping him!!! What will he say next??!? You are all penalized! (Example, Ray’s epic rant against Tom Cruise and talking about ‘Tennis players and actors’) (All Pints MUST be finished)
The Andres Montes Special-You cannot understand what Ray or Montes (Commentator for La Sexta) is saying. You ask a friend for clarification. They are talking a mile a minute, or you are really drunk. (Drink 2)
The Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuy –Any time a shot is taken, albeit from 1 yard away or from midfield, it is obligatory to throw your hands up over your head and yell ‘huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuy’. Even if the ball has just found it’s orbit in outer space, you must yell this. You may also yell this when play is beginning to look up but it will not be penalized. If you are in a bar and do not do this, people will look at you funny. (Penalty..Drink 3)
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL-Seriously, you are watching Spanish football, why wouldn’t you yell ‘GOOOOOOOOOOL’ when someone scores? (Penality–Drink 5)
Times to drink
- Ray yells at co-host for anything
- Montes yells ‘Porque la vida puede ser marvillosa’
- Móntes yells ‘Fútbol con fatatas—con ‘f’
- Your crappy La Liga feed stalls for more than 1 minute.
- Montes yells ‘Salinas!!’
- Someone mentions ‘Ramon Calderón’ in a non Real Madrid game.
- Anyone scores
- A bout of whistling by the home fans goes on for more than 2 minute
- After 10 minutes you think you just understood something in the Mandarin Feed you are watching the game on.
- You swear you are now a native speaker of said illegal feed’s language.
- You hear ‘A por ellos oe’ being chanted in the stand.
- Montes yells ‘Tiki-taka…tiki-taka’
- Someone refers to the goal being scored as a ‘Golazo’
- Ray calls a player ‘a gladiator’
- Ray attempts to say a Spanish word, but you cannot decipher what language it actually was.
- You see a Che Guevarra flag being waved in the stand.
- A penalty is awarded
- Yellow card is issued
- Luis Fabiano (your token player) misses a sitter from 6 yards out or less.
- Your worse defender just got nutmegged
- Ray sees a pretty lady in the stands and makes some sort of ‘cat call’ or says ‘Ay-ay-ay’
- Montes yells ‘ Que comen los alemanes Salinas!!’
- Ray makes fun of someone’s looks (Ronaldo is looking less like Homer Simpson every day)
- Drink double if he makes fun of Ronaldinho’s big teeth
- The opposing team scores on ‘your team’ (Double it if it is a Sevilla-Betis, Real Madrid-Barça, or your most hated rival)
- Someone is sent off (Double Yellow or Hard Red)
- (Your token injured player) is injured YET again (Finish the pint if he is taken off on a stretcher)
- Your keeper simply ‘gifts’ the other team a goal (The Paul Robinson Award)
- Ray just absolutly belts out a gem (Don’t be a pansy, you know when you’ve heard one’)
- Montes loses his voice during the game (yes this does happen).
- Ray uses sexual innuendo (That’s Orgasmic!)
- Ray uses violence (We stabbed ’em right in the heart and it was beautiful!)
- Levante has just scored a goal (This is for EVERYONE)
- A penalty is missed (didn’t even hit the net)
- The physio comes out and uses that ‘magical cooling spray.’
- You hear ‘I Will Survive’ by Hermes House Band playing in the background.
Finish the Pint!
- If Ray looses it completely and you fear for his well being (See Ray Hudson Berseker)
- If Ray mentions Riquelme and he is not playing in the game nor is within 5,000 miles of said game.
- If Montes passes out from yelling ‘GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL’
- If you actually see Montes and like the suit he is wearing.
- Levante won a game.
- Leo Messi is mentioned and he isn’t even playing.
- If a new ‘pichichi’ is crowned during the game
- A medic comes out with the stretcher and fails to be able to pick it up.
- The ‘Slogan’ Rule
- You can only at one point invoke the slogan rule in which you yell out ‘Hala Madrid’ ‘Aupa Getafe’ ‘Sevilla campeón’ or whatever your call is at which time everyone is forced to finish the pint