Daily Sweeper, 11.2: MLS Playoffs, Past and Future + Enough Crap to Fill 10 Outhouses

– Before looking backward, let’s take a glance forward. I’ve got my picks laid out, but here’s what people have to say about this weekend’s conference semis – all except that one no one seems to care about. Shhh….

New England Revolution v. Red Bull New York
Now that I think about it, I didn’t see – or rather, I didn’t read – a lot of copy on this one. But the unpaid interns (they just have to be, right?) at MLSnet.com turned in their preview. Elsewhere, Clemente Lisi wrote a bolder preview for USSoccerplayas.com framed around the possibility that Gillette Stadium might be the Last Chance Saloon for Red Bull’s coach Bruce Arena. I don’t know about that – I bet The Bruce gets another year regardless – but Lisi does well enumerating the man’s sins.

Houston Dynamo v. FC Dallas
I’ll start by confessing that I rarely want to lose bets, never mind badly. C’mon Dallas: prove me wrong.

Previews abound for this one, but you can find most of what you want to read on tonight’s game in 3rd Degree’s daily round-up. Time’s short, though, so get cracking. But MLS’s interns did their bit, as did Goal.com, and Yahoo! News.

If gambling were legal in this damnable country, I’d be running an over-under for how quickly Dallas succumbs.

– Now to look back. I posted my piece last night – an ode to Clyde Simms as it turned out. It’s funny, though: I’m able to celebrate this game and DC’s part in it, but that’s down to a coincidence that I caught them after they woke up. From what I’ve read, my thoughts would have been vastly different had I caught the first half.

Moving on to what other’s thought, this one got picked apart – and, this time ‘round, I’ll take a broader view (e.g I won’t essentially ignore Chicago). To follow up on that aside, I’m going to lead with Chicago.

Among other things, the Red Card’s Luis Arroyave polled his readers for their thoughts on Chicago’s best and worst performances on the night. The answers matched my impressions: people talked up not just Calen Carr and Chad Barrett, but also Dasan Robinson; Wilman Conde played an unlikely goat for more than one commenter. Elsewhere from the Chicago camp, The Daily Southtown’s write-up on the game closes with a quote from Chad Barrett on his goal celebration.

A couple people billed last night’s game as a coaching duel in which Chicago’s Juan Carlos Osorio got the better of DC United’s Tom Soehn. That could be – I’ve been as impressed with Osorio as I have with any coach I’ve watched – but I think Jen Chang does well to flag a weakness in Osorio’s approach.

Finally, let us turn to DC’s unhappy side of the ledger. As I was waiting for my usual suspects to post their thoughts, I did something I don’t normally do in my desperation to hear what people were thinking: stroll over the BigSoccer. I don’t know how things have evolved since, but, apart from stray comments about pride, last night’s game had a number of DC fans blaspheming against the Supporter’s Shield (gasp!). Soccer Insider provided another forum for DC fan reactions. As for the players, I found a heart-string-twanging quote or two in MLSnet.com’s write-up, notably from Troy Perkins and Ben Olsen.

All in all, though, I count last night’s game one for the ages. I had a hoot watching it, but don’t blame DC fans for not feeling the same.

I’ll wrap the soccer-related stuff with a couple stray points of interest before turning to the second edition of my grab-bag of weird from the Web.

– Down the Byline noticed Jose Burciaga Jr. twiddling his thumbs on the KC bench for the past few and wonders whether he won’t be moving on. Fair question and, to provide an answer, that wouldn’t surprise me a bit. The real question is, who would take him, a high-upside offensive player with the odd, yet deadly, defensive lapse?

– The Offside Rules has started a Draft Steve Nash movement. He could be this decade’s Bo Jackson…without the injuries. Count me in. Where do I write him?

And now…

A Grab-Bag of the Funny, the Sick, and the Drug-Friendly
(in no particular order)

“”WARNING: Your subscription to choirboy fisting magazine is about to expire.”

This is just one of the reasons I get the b3ta.com newsletter delivered to my inbox on a weekly basis. It’s good stuff and it makes this kind of thing possible. I don’t know if they get money for subscribers, but I figure having more makes that more likely.

– Gali the Alligator. “A puppet alligator playing around with woodland critters.” I showed this to my kids and they laughed…at first.

– Is your roommate a dick? A blog celebrates the peculiar, yet familiar species known as the asshole roommate.

– Ever seen a pizza topped with McDonald’s? Now you have. Until I checked this out, I didn’t even know how this would work (you’ll be appalled).

– I think it was b3ta.com that directed me to a site called Pencils at Dawn, a friendly competition between two cartoonists who draw a series of cartoons based on one key word. The second cartoon in “Sexist” cracked my shit up.

– Don’t know How to Kiss Someone Passionately? A video on the Web helpfully explains it for you. (That came from this site, which looks pretty dang good as well).

– For weird-gear enthusiasts: if you’ve never heard of, or seen something called the P50, here a couple items. The first is an old film of this wonder-“car,” that, apparently, gets 100 mpg. The more surprising thing here isn’t that they built it, so much as the fact it didn’t roll over during filming. The other item is a Youtube clip lifted from some Brit show called Top Gear; it shows a dude/reporter commuting to work through London in a P50. It’s funnier than you might think. (HT: Boing Boing. Seriously, you can find no end of killer stuff on this site.)

– For those who need something to chase down that bong hit, some dude named Cyriak posts really kick-ass, highly-unusual cartoons on Youtube. This one, well, celebrates the cow and examines their true potential when augmented by the best science. For something a little (and I mean very little) more tame, here’s a grab bag of Cyriak’s animation.

– And, naturally, I saved the most disturbing for last. If you’re squeamish/easily-offended, etc., PLEASE, don’t click this. Everyone else: it’s a little late for Halloween this year, but here’s a hell of a concept for next year. And it would take you about a year to make the thing anyway (well, it would take me that long).